Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Silly thoughts.

I have a lot of stories. Having a lot of stories can be bad for someone who really enjoys talking, much like I do.
I mean, I really love to talk. I HATE texting, want to know why? Because I can't talk as much or as fast as I want to.
I love typing and I love talking. If you're telling me a story about that time you bought a moldy peach and it reminds me of the time that I had a colonoscopy, then by George, I'm going to interrupt you to tell you about it. That's what an insufferable talk-a-lotter does.
Well, I was listening to Beyonce's "Video Phone" today and feeling sufficiently cool, hip and a little younger than 26 when I was reminded of this really hilarious thing that happened last week. It has nothing to do with videos, phones or uniquely named hip-hop superstars, shawty.

I thought about using this opportunity to talk about other things in this category, which I will now dub as, "Things we do not need in 2011." But, as I thought about it I realized it's a really, really long list. Besides, I have to try and illustrate this with words as my ability to flail my arms about is hidden behind this computer screen. Trust me, my dramatic gesticulations really "make" this story.

So, as some of you already know, I drive a lot. Between Roman's appointments at a hospital 2.5 hours away, my appointments at a hospital 2.5 hours away or Isabelle's school which is about 45 minutes away-I'm rackin up the road time, friends. I'm racking it up like a pro. People who drive that much have a lot of stories. This is just one of them.

Roman and I are nearing the red light in Danville. Since I have never, in two years gotten the green light and was able to drive straight through I have long ago dubbed this the "stretch light" simply because it's where I preform a "pre-stretch" before the actual bigger, much more enjoyable stretch of getting out of the car and telling the valet guy, that I am now on a first name basis with, goodbye.

I'm so close to the red light. Man, I can't wait to hit the brakes, grab my seat and hurl my body around in either direction waiting for the "crack, crack, crack". Usually I'll also use this time to turn around and give Roman a quick cheek pinch. It's a mom thing.

I was growing quite annoyed with the pace of traffic. WHY is everybody going so slow? What the heck? Then I see it. I see the man, in his old car using....hand signals. The car in front of me, cautious but clearly confused keeps braking and staying warily behind as the hand-waver goes from a bent arm in the upward position to the straight out-trying to touch the car beside him position. Why? Why today? Of course I was discouraged because I could clearly see the stretch light and I just wanted to get there, and do my thing.

As I watched the man, I thought, "Ya know, he's just being safe." If my turn signal was broken I would just go without it. Even if I could muster up the courage to swallow the pain and embarrassment of communicating with other drivers with the use of archaic hand gestures-I don't even think I KNOW them. So then I followed that thought up with, "Way to go, cautious driver!" If I were a cop, I'd pull him over just to say, "Way to go, little buddy!"

"Oh good, he's turning" I thought. Wait a second, how do I know that? Ohhh, because his turn signal works perfectly fine. Fittingly, right around the time I realized his brake lights and turn signal worked perfectly fine, the car in front of me made the same discovery. Unless he just decided to beep his horn and give him that silly wave while angrily speeding past him for some other reason. Although, I think we were on the same page, because I was having a hard time controlling my rage.

Literally 6 to 7 cars in two lanes were letting this man lead the pack, slowly, cautiously and some of us even praised him for his moxy in what we thought was a distressful situation.
He lost a lot of thumbs up that day...yes he did.

While I understand that on the road this is pretty much a harmless offense, let's remember that hand signals should be used for emergency purposes only. Let us also remember that flying your imaginary airplane is NOT something that should be done by the driver. If you have planes that need to fly, you be the co-pilot that day. Agreed?

And this concludes my week late rant of "Things we do not need in 2011".
Hand Signals while driving-Check.

Stay tuned for our next installment: Bendaroos. I hate those things.

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