I remember one of the very first things I wrote. It was an open letter to my family discussing what it was that they do, that irritates me.
Most of the issues I had though, were with my brother.
"I hate how you laugh at me when I'm punching you."
"I can't stand how loud you are."
"You are the biggest jerk I have ever met."
My mom read it, looked at me and said, "Erica, I think you should share this with your brother-maybe you guys could work out your problems."
He read it. a smile here, a giggle there.
"What the crap is so funny, Ryan!?"
He looked at me softly, in my head he was getting ready to say, "I'm sorry, Erica. I had no idea you felt this way. I promise I'll be the most loyal, respectful and loving brother from this moment on. Thank you for writing such a profound open letter detailing what it is that everybody in this house does that irks you. How else would we know how you feel?"
But instead, he looked at me and said, "The is the stupidest thing I have ever read."
'"YOU'RE STUPID, RYAN!"
and then I wrote several new essays with titles that varied from, "10 reasons why Ryan Hoke is a scumbag"
"I am a loser: Ode to Ryan Hoke."
"My teeth aren't as white as they could be, the fascinating autobiography of Elkland's biggest Suckhole."
But over the years, Ryan and I have gotten closer. Our name calling has ceased, our fights have subsided and our fascination with drinking pickle juice to keep us up all night has fizzled away.
Some may even recall a time when he gave me a compliment. "This tastes better than moms." and "cool shades." are rumored to have fallen through his lips.
But the reason for the brother blog, is because through all the years he's had a simple, easy and totally unrealistic dream. Few people thought he would make it, I would be lying if I said I always believe in him. Truth is, after so many nights of band practice in the basement my first thought was, "shut up." instead of "Live your dream, brother!"
But he did it. He's living his dream. He's signed, he's touring, he's singing his heart out, he has music videos, a personal shopper and somebody telling him to lose weight.
And the truth is....I miss him when he's gone.
Dear Suckhole Fat Face:
I am so proud of you.
Please don't ever forget that, or me, or all of the liposuction you promised me.
Also don't forget that most tour buses are fully equipped with toothbrush holders.
I love you past God.
My brother is the lady singing.
for touring info, song samples, pictures and other stuff. I'd mention more, but I don't get paid for that.
Ryan Hoke's sister.